Okay….I’ve got to come clean. I know that I’ve got to be honest and genuine before my God and my blog. So…here goes…I’m just going to say it now…I, I… am more than just “big boned.” No, wait a minute, that’s not it. Ahhhh! Why am I so weak? I feel like I’ve got the cartoon angel and devil on my shoulders. “Honesty is always the best policy and your audience of 4 will understand” says the little Angel. “Hey Fatty….if you tell them… they are going to feed you to the hippos, because your nothing but a crit” the little devil says. What? What in the heck is a “crit”? Okay, once again the devil makes no sense, so I am really just going to spit it out this time: I’ve got a girlfriend.
“Ha,! I knew it! All of these so-called Christians are hypocrites” you might be saying to yourself. The word hypocrite actually stems from the old Greek plays where an actor would have two masks to portray his feelings. You could say he was “two faced.” Is it any wonder that someone came up with the vastly superior creation of mimes? I know I always wanted to be a mime,even as a kid. I would take the cream out of my twinkies and oreo cookies and rub it all over my face. I would then go around yelling proudly, “Look at me, I’m a mime.” Then one of my brothers would point out that “Mimes don’t talk you idiot” which would usually send me running off to my Mommy crying, “I’m a good bo, right Mommy?”"
Anyway, my girlfriends name is Sally. We met only a few months ago, but it was almost love at first sight. She just seemed to radiate, she would always listen to me, and just felt right as I held her in my hand. She was funny and would tell me jokes and on regular basis. Sometimes, she would even make me cry. “The market lost another 300 points” she would say. Or “your Cal Bears just lost to Berkeley Junior High school” which would send me off running to my Mommy all over again.
My wife Stacey is jealous of Sally. Apparently, she thinks I pay more attention to Sally than her. Yes, I know what you are thinking, my wife knows about my little girlfriend. Heck, even my kids know. In fact, when my 4 year old daughter sees me paying more attention to my girlfriend that my wife she breaks out in song, “Sally…th, th, that, that, that,that, that girl.” Which always makes me think, “Boy, how bad was some of that music we listened to in the 80’s?” It also makes me realize that my little girl is probably the only 4 year old in the entire world that knows that stupid song. Anyway, I’m not sure why Stacey is jealous of Sally, afterall she named her. Before that, she was just my Treo cell phone.
My love affair with Sally ended a couple of weeks ago. That is when my co-worker walked in with his new IPhone. Wow! Now that was a sleek figure. She had all the bells and whistles and can do things that Sally won’t be able to do for years to come. Like any hot-blooded male, I immediately felt myself violating what God says in the Bible, “Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s electronic gadgets.” I’m pretty sure that this was supposed to be the 11th commandment, but Moses was too busy chatting away on his cell phone to hear God. Anyway, after being wowed by the latest thing, I went back to Old What’sHerName.
She no longer looked so radiant. In fact, she now even had fingerprints and smudges on her. Of course they were fingerprints and smudges left behind from my caresses, but who wanted and old smudged loved one when there were newer ones on the market? She no longer fit like the way she did in our early courtship days and she might even have put on some weight. I was quickly losing interest in her and was just trying to figure out where on my body I should tattoo my new mantra of “Out with the old, in with the new.”
Well, besides just cell phones, doesn’t it seem like that is life these days? Our jobs, our relationships, our faith. Exactly when did commitment become a four letter word? The Bible tells us that God will finish the good work he has begun in us. I don’t know about you, but he has his work cut out with me. I’m a great starter of projects, but not such a good finisher. It is something I am very cognizant of, pray about, and am working on. In fact,….
