Some people like their mini-marts, still others like their malls, but me, I’m a Costco guy. In fact my whole family, is a Costco family. What most people call samples, my kids call dinner (four times a week). Where else can you get a jug of licorice to go with your 50 rolls of toilet paper? Yep…to me, Costco is just like heaven. Come to think of it, heaven is exactly like Costco.
Heaven, like Costco, has its different sections. What section you end up in Costco Heaven, depends on what denomination you were on Earth. The Baptists have already called dibs on the bottled water section. The Lutherans, with their “Sola Scriptura” philosophy, have the book section. The Catholics, having to wait in a longer line than the rest of us to get in, at least lucked out with two sections. Due to dealing with a lifetime of uncomfortable pews, they were rewarded with the furniture section and as an added bonus, they also have access to the fish section on Fridays. The Amish have secured the electronics department and you cannot keep the evangelicals off the intercom system. The Pentecostals handle the hose section, but the worst of all of them has to be the non-denominationalists. They demand two sections. Same denomination…er…I mean non-denomination, but the smaller one thinks the mega-section is way too big for the people in it to really be convicted. The mega section thinks that the smaller non-denominational section doesn’t care about the non members enough to help them get a membership and heck maybe even start sharing the furniture section (a spot on the mega couch with the catholics perhaps?) Do we belong to the sections that do their part in making sure outsiders don’t get in. After-all, why should we tell people about our little secret? We’re fat (at least I am), we’re comfortable (when wifey let’s me have the bowl of chips AND the remote) and WE’RE IN -so who cares about everyone else?!?
The people in these sections, basically do the same things and worship the same God, but they do it differently. Because of their differences, they have put up walls in their sections of Heaven. These walls allow them to talk about the other denominations in private so they can confidently say where the others are all wrong and they are right. Of course the people from all of these denominations can mingle and co-exist with each other Monday through Saturday, but Sundays must be spent only with people that are in their section of Costco Heaven.
What? You aren’t buying it? This would never happen in Heaven, you say? Then why does it happen on Earth. Why, in our “Christian” Nation of America, is Sunday the most divided day of the week? For some reason we seem to have a Church superiority complex. If someone mentions their church to us, we feel compelled to let someone know why our church is better than theirs. You like Country, I like Rock and Roll. Does that necessarily mean that Rock and Roll is better than Country? Absolutely! Trust me, I lived in The Great State of Texas for 3.5 years, that music stinks! So, I guess the point of this posting is just to notify you that if your Church isn’t the same size and color as mine and if it doesn’t play the same style of music as mine, I might have to love you, but I don’t have to like you. In fact, I’m going to let management know that I think they should revoke your membership, just because the picture on your card is so ugly. HA! I hope wherever you are going, they sell TP by the sheet. Being different from me…what a whacko! Hurry up and leave my comfort zone so I can talk about you when you are gone.
